I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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