Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
