i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
