I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
