i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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