you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
