next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
