my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
