Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
