That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
