Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
