She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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