paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
