Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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