It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my liver is dry heaving
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
