TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
