Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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