i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
