Don't make out with my wife yet
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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