I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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