epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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