I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
