True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
