Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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