His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
