Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
