I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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