sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
