I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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