watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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