So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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