Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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