Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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