how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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