I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
