It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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