I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
