So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
