He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
