I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
