is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are a genius and a whore.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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