I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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