No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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