Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
