I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
vagina is talking i cant
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
