I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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