awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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