she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You ruined the universe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
