and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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