Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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