I heard we made out
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
