I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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