He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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