her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
