Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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