Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who died my cat blue again?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
