his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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