I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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