dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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