you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
