Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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