The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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