his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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