i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
