When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
