Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
