you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
