I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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